Non-opposition and non-violence are fundamentally linked. Opposition
is never far from violence, as, for example, the drug is never far from
addiction. And opposition, such as violence, implies that we consider
the other person in terms of balance of power. It is likely that one chooses
non-violence before choosing non-opposition. But I think the two go hand
in hand. And therefore, I don't think we can ask questions about the limits
of the opposition, if we don't initially take a stand for non-violence.
On the other hand, having interest in it doesn't imply to practice it.
The interest precedes practice, but it doesn't necessarily lead to it.
Although the two concepts are quite different, they have much in common
and in what follows, it occurs that some paragraphs combine the two concepts
1. the action of opposing, resisting, or combating.
2. antagonism or hostility.
3. a person or group of people opposing, criticizing, or protesting something,
someone, or another group.
There are two more parts on this definition, but not appropriate for
the present subject. What interests us here is the opposition that leads
people to confront each other.
We won't refer to the action of opposition. For, the actions of refusal,
non-cooperation, resistance, do not necessarily mean, as we will see,
to oppose people.
What we will consider is mostly the mental attitude of opposing people.
Opposition and disagreement
There is a fundamental distinction between disagreement and opposition.
In disagreement, there is the observation of a difference. In opposition,
there is the unacceptability of this difference. And the solution to the
problems we face, is easier to obtain or discover when we're in a mood
of acceptance. In other words, the oppositional behavior does not help
solving problems. We will see that in most cases it is even an obstacle
or a hindrance.
Non-acceptance leads to the balance of power, and therefore it leads
- behaviors of authority and submission,
- intolerance, disrespect, intransigence,
However, refusing to be opposed to something does not mean that we deny
our opinions, or are hypocritical or silent and adopt inertia.
Disagreeing, while not taking an opposing attitude, does not mean the
absence of anger, indignation and fear, while facing certain situations
or behaviors. The difference is mainly in the way we consider our interlocutors,
not as adversaries but as partners or potential partners. It also means
binding our emotions to ourselves and not to others, and to link the onset
of these emotions to facts or behavior and not to individuals.
For example, being indignant when my boss overwhelms me with work implies
that the decision to increase the amount of my work activates my anger
but I am still responsible for that emotion. Looking that way, I am able
to view my boss as a potential partner, not as an enemy. It will also
enable me, if I do not give in to emotions, to be able to try to understand
him, especially to understand the reasons for his decision, not based
on what I can interpret, but depending on what I'll do to know for real,
by asking. This will also leave me the opportunity to expand my choices
facing his decision or even to negotiate without turning against him with
refusal or blackmail. Disagreements are part of our daily lives, but we
are not obliged to opt daily for the opposition.
What are the situations that arouse our desires to oppose
The opposition can appear in all areas of life, being expressed or unspoken,
collectively or individually. It's the opposition of a community in front
of an institutional power, of an employee in front of his employer, of
a child's facing his teacher or parent, of a spouse in the couple, of
a neighbor. It can also be the opposition in front of a stranger who steals
our priority at the wheel, a colleague or friend with whom we disagree.
These are all situations that can lead to conflict: when one disagrees;
when we can not accept a situation: neither let it be; when we want to
be tenable when we consider to be right; and we want to impose our views
on our opponents.
We are therefore in a balance of power. It's us or them. And if it's
not us who have the most strength, or the more power we will have to find
another way to oppose and try to succeed.
The choice to get out of trouble abound: aggression, physical violence,
manipulation in the form of guilt, pressure, lies, blackmail or otherwise.
Whatever can the reaction be, frank or dishonest, it may bring success,
but not with the real consent of all the people involved, nor on a stable
or durable way.
But there are other choices, which, if they are not necessarily successful
in the short term, are more likely in the long term to convince our opponents
/ partners and this on a lasting and or final way.
What are the apparent or admitted (declared) reasons why we are
getting opposed to?
a) "To avoid"
Apparently, there are many possible reasons why we are getting opposed
to something. But if we look closely, they are generally quite rare, because
when we answer the question, the answer that usually arises, begins with
"to avoid". To avoid something to happen, or to make something
no longer existing. And this is a poor goal to propose the adverse party.
Besides, if we had an alternative objective in mind, we wouldn't think
probably to get opposed but we would implement this goal.
Sometimes it happens that two goals are in opposition, and that it's
necessary to counter one of them to succeed in implementing the other.
But often the goal of one implies the absence of what the other tries
to establish or maintain, and this without any alternative proposal. And
that doesn't mean that the objectives of removing an obstacle, are negative
in their essence, far from it. Who could deny the benefits of the abolition
of slavery or of the death penalty, for example? However, failures are
brought by the means chosen to reach those goals, and this is what leads
b) The spirit of revenge
When we don't agree and don't understand the motives of the opponent,
it is easier to judge him, a priori, as incompetent or malicious, than
trying to understand the reasons that brought him to act against our interests.
Did it never occur to you to choose a behavior of revenge towards someone
saying, "so he/she will understand it"? This means that you
choose to make him/her the harm that you feel you have undergone from
him or her, in order that he/she understands what it means to undergo
Or when someone takes revenge for a wrong he claims to have suffered
from you, what would you understand, other that: "He/she is an asshole",
"he/she has nothing understood," he/she is in bad faith",
“Has he/she lost his/her mind?”, etc. ... sometimes with envy,
once again, to take revenge.
I think this kind of attitude is really related to the type of education
one received, which is explained later in the text.
In the same context and in relation to violence, Jean-Marie Müller
"It's always the other who started. Violence is always a response
to the violence of the "other-who-has-started." Therefore, "He
got what he deserves"; "He had not to start." "well
done for him." Well! No, precisely, this is not well done: to do
violence, it's never doing well, it's never doing good. If the other began,
it is not a reason to continue. For, if the other was wrong to begin,
I certainly have no reason to continue. "
“C’est toujours l’autre qui a commencé. La violence
est toujours une réponse à la violence de “l’autre-qui-a-commencé”.
Dès lors : “Il n’a que ce qu’il mérite”;
“Il n’avait qu’à pas commencer.” “C’est
bien fait pour lui.” Et bien! Non, précisément, ce
n’est pas bien fait : faire violence, ce n’est jamais bien
faire, ce n’est jamais faire le bien. Que l’autre ait commencé,
ce n’est pas une raison pour continuer. Car si l’autre a eu
tort de commencer, je n’ai certainement pas raison de continuer.”
excerpt and translated from the book (in French) : "Le principe
The attitude of revenge is often blind, it leads to a spiral from which
it is increasingly difficult to escape. For, more acts of revenge are
increasing from both sides, more it's difficult to stop the process. It
is before entering the process that it's necessary to stop, and to refuse
to listen to our impulses, or at least, to refuse to turn them into actions
or words, to stay more clear-sighted regarding what we're looking for.
For, is this "being right", "having the last word"
or "being able to take the right of going further when the other
is the one who began" the most important thing? Are we really obliged
to accompany anger brought by a situation, with the hatred for those who
created it? For, if we want to improve this situation, it is not in despising
those who are at its source, that we will obtain their favors. We can
change our mindset. For, without ignoring the anger that may be present,
only our respect and empathy may bring lasting results, even if it is
Denouncing to get others to rally to the opposition: the example
of activists groups
Often, in the confrontation, we will attempt to accumulate the forces
of our side; either the force of number, or that of authority, or even
that of the threat, of blackmail.
A way to create the force of number consist in informing by denouncing.
That's what a lot of associations are trying to do, using the means of
opposition in order to dominate their interlocutors. Often their actions
are limited to the attempt to spread information denouncing a problem,
through the launch of petitions, through conferences, debates, the publication
of texts, articles, books, and sometimes through actions shows, in order
to be publicized and reach the public as widely as possible.
All associations are not in this register of course. Some act "for"
something, some act "against" something, some simply inform,
others inform to act "against". There are from all kinds, and
it mainly depends on the mentality of their members.
I think of the environmental groups for example. One group will inform
the citizen to stimulate to calculate his ecological footprint, the other
will inform the same citizen denouncing the number of tons of CO2 rejected
each year by country, and they condemn these facts. Both may, for example,
explain the result of CO2 emissions on global warming, but one will try
to enable the reader/listener to realize the issues, which can lead to
behavior changes, bringing a reduction of CO2 emissions. The other will
do the same having as target to lead the reader / listener to oppose himself,
and join the ranks of the opponents in order to bring a government to
legislate a reduction in pollution. And this second attitude occurs then
in a balance of power (the power of the masses), rather than in order
to provide the government with non-polluting alternatives. The two approaches
are completely different. The first associations are usually in the solidarity
action, the other are rather in activism. And many organizations are working
in both registers.
I also think that, in this context, the publicity made by the opposition
groups through the mass media, represents only the tip of the iceberg.
For, elsewhere, other people are doing a painstaking job much less spectacular,
but far more constructive. Gandhi expressed this as follows:
"A falling tree makes more noise than a growing forest."
Many alter-globalists have understood this, and that's why they preferred
the term "alter" to the "anti"-globalization. For,
their goal is not orientated to "counter" the globalization,
but rather to offer an alternative globalization. But not everyone is
clear about these concepts. For, if one says that "another World
is possible", and keep going into actions of denunciation, not only
they do not change their attitude, ie they remain in the same register
of attitudes than those who were denounced, but in this way, they do not
offer anything new either.
For, even in informing, in most cases, only those who seek this information
are concerned about it, and listen to the message, whether it is denunciatory
or constructive. In addition we all have beliefs of all kinds. And when
we seek to be informed, we won't necessarily seek the most objective information,
but mostly the one that will confirm our beliefs. Besides it is difficult
to persuade on the basis of information only. The testimonials and pictures
can help influence, sometimes the example too. But more often, we are
affected only when we are experiencing ourselves, when we live things,
when we feel them deeply, when they concern us closely, when they immerse
us. The speech alone rarely convince. So, informing has its limits.
What I question is the effectiveness of the approach limited to the spread
of information and denunciation in order to make things change. However,
the information is not harmful in itself. Indeed, a discourse that is
not convincing, is not in vain, however. If it does not convince those
to whom it is addressed, it can question others who have been in touch
with that same information, but also, it may occur that it echoes later,
when experience will join the information content because the impact did
not take place immediately. It is therefore never in vain to speak now,
but it's preferable doing it without direct expectations.
But beyond, a constructive message will be better perceived and better
understood than a message of opposition. Simply because it makes you want
to go towards something and already shows the means to act effectively;
while the message of opposition, between the lines, reveals a kind of
cry for help against the inability to be heard, and this is generally
not very motivating.
The effects of the opposition
Opposition generates: opposition, or submission ..... temporarily.
It's in fact already at the level of our way of thinking, behind the
attitude of opposition, that we miss our goals. For, by opposing, we impede,
and sometimes, we even prevent us reaching our goals. Our attitude is
leading to behaviors that often can not be accepted by the interlocutor.
For, the opposition is a serious obstacle to dialogue and negotiation.
In the worst cases it can stop the communication, and give way to strategies
of violence, whether between nations, between peoples, in education, at
work, in friendship or inside the couple. The opposition occurs in the
register of the balance of power. When we don't want the other to act
in one direction and we can not help him or get him to do otherwise, we
can only try to force him, impose, prevent him to do what he wants. And
that can only be considered unacceptable by the interlocutor whoever he
is, unless he is able to work on the register of submission. That's what
the children do with their educators, employees with a boss, or a country
defeated by the war. And any person or group of persons who submit, does
in general not really understand the point of view of the one who has
the power. And nothing will lead him/them to understand. And this implies
that the balance of power must be maintained to keep the submission, and
that the person in power, if he does not maintain its strength, will be
at risk of losing it. In fact, in many cases, we chose opposition when
we do not have clearly defined our goals, consciously and positively,
and when we put full responsibility for the situation on the shoulders
of our adversaries, without being aware of our own responsibility in this
The opposition attitude can be successful, sometimes. But this is not
always durably, and rarely in favor of improving relations between people
involved; which does not predict easy resolution for future problems between
A negative, violent, insulting attitude, in front of those we're opposed
(whatever the nature of the issue), will never lead to the direction of
When we react in opposition to others, we generally assume that the other
is: either bad faith, or is not able to understand. But other people are
not more in bad faith than we can claim to be ourselves. Are you aware
on a regular basis to act in bad faith? I don't think there are many people
who can answer yes. Our subjective inner coherence prevents us from that.
Being in opposition with someone while suspecting his bad faith will
be seen as unjust by the person, and can only stimulate him to maintain
its own position, to feel misunderstood or unfairly attacked or blamed,
and so on. And it will not only stimulate the person to maintain his position,
but it will strengthen his defense and, therefore, stimulate him in return
to oppose ourselves. And once this situation is installed, it is indeed
difficult to understand each other, to negotiate, and to change views.
On the other hand, this will help first not to give up or to adopt an
attitude even more rigid, and lead to escalation, aggressiveness.
Because when you "defend" a cause, you remain on the defensive.
Someone who explains something when being on the defensive is much less
convincing. Also, if you defend your cause in front of people who defend
the opposite, your are almost certain not to convince, because everyone
is on the defensive, nobody is listening to the other. And in this case,
opinions, not only can not get closer, but they are moreover likely to
freeze, and cause blockage in the evolution of discussions, negotiations
and so on.
In parallel to the fact that the opposition rather stimulates mutual
incomprehension and favors stagnant positions; it tends to eliminate sense
of responsibility. We think that the other is responsible or guilty. We
think being ourselves okay, being in our right, on the side of justice,
and we are just victims. We believe we understand the perspective of the
other (from ours), simply thinking that if he is not in bad faith, it's
because he did not understand, and even, that he is not able to understand.
And we prove it, by not explaining him what really matters to us in the
situation. But in fact, we are not more able to understand him, for, if
we had understood him, we would have changed our attitude and we wouldn't
have chosen to oppose.
In this context, often, the opposition leads to the inverse of what we
want. For, when we oppose someone or a group, it works like a house of
cards. Cards placed in opposition remain upright. In opposing, we maintain
upright what's opposing. In opposing someone, something, we maintain the
problem, we help our opponents to maintain their positions, making them
more rigid, we stimulate the mutual misunderstanding, and we help ourselves
to stay within the opposition and not to advance, or so few.
Being opposed to something or someone leads often to a lot of difficulties
to maintain this attitude and to denounce the problems around us, without
finally getting anything. It means often that we act (and lose a lot of
time and energy) to just make some wind. But often we are not ourselves
conscious of that. And so, it prevents us from acting effectively where
something is possible.
When the attitude of opposition remains, it leads inevitably to a deterioration
of the situation, whatever the scale of the problem, and it can sometimes
block the situation for years, decades.
The fact that the opposition keeps us in the problem, can cause a lot
of suffering. In being opposed, we feed negative emotions, feelings and
thoughts, associated with anger, indignation, sometimes in defiance or
guilt. It is not easy to accept what is, when it does not make sense to
us, when it does not meet our need for consistency, integrity and justice.
However, if such acceptance is possible, it will help to evolve inside
the situation and often to come out of it without being wounded or weakened.
Just going with the flow - even if it does not seem favorable –
makes possible to reduce suffering and to mobilize the energy elsewhere.
It doesn't mean to get overwhelmed by problems without lifting a finger,
but rather to stop kicking over the traces, to be able to see the emergence
Going simply with the flow when confronted to a problem, does not mean
to abdicate in front of our objectives, or not being true to our opinions.
On the other hand, this allows to reduce the suffering and to distance
oneself at the situation, and this distance will change the perspective
and solve things through a different way. In other words, by letting go
the first coming idea of solution when confronted to a problem, we give
ourselves a better chance of finding a truly satisfactory solution.
Conversely, resisting the flow can be exhausting. For, being opposed
will amplify the suffering caused by the problem and it will blind us
to find ways to escape.
It is likely that suffering, when being inside the flow and in a state
of mind of acceptance, does not preclude to be happy, while when we are
suffering and not in a state of mind of acceptance, it becomes unbearable
and makes our misfortune.
We can imagine the situation as an energy balance. When a problem exists
somewhere, it can be represented as an amount of energy at one side of
the balance: the problematic side. The more we invest our energy in the
problem, the more the problematic side is gaining weight, even if energy
is oriented to combat the problem. And if the solution is elsewhere than
in the problem, it is at the other side of the balance. And so, once we
invest our energy in the solution side of the balance, it means that this
energy gives weight at the solution side and as it is not invested into
the problem, it's taken away from the problematic side. It's then a double
gain for the solution. The more we invest in solutions, the less we give
weight to the problem, and so we end up reversing the ratio of weight,
and at one point, the problem eventually disappears by itself, emptied
of all its energy, emptied of all its weight, to let the solution emerge.
And it looks like the image of the half-filled glass that fills up when
you look at the filled part (see the article in French "The
boomerang of thoughts"). It is important not to try to stop opposing
100% of the time or to be non-violent 100% of the time, but to make the
choice in this direction, and make steps as we get the opportunity.
What is the origin of the attitude of opposition
Fear is the first of the reasons that lead us into the behavior of opposition,
and sometimes it is quite legitimate. But not always.
Our ignorance can lead us to avoid the communication and the negotiation
by fearing to fail, and sometimes also by our inability to be turned down
when we make a request. Ignorance will lead us to fear and to the choice
of the opposition.
Another driving force of the opposition may be anger. Rather than managing
our impulses or waiting to regain our calm, we are opposed on an abrupt
way, more led by the urgency of our emotions than by the situation itself.
Whether it's fear, anger, or ignorance, our actions are often not as
oriented “for a way to carry out something than "against"
what the other wants to achieve. And as long as we stay in these attitudes,
we will be unable to change the process. It is necessary to first become
conscious of what leads us to be in opposition. For, it's the fear, the
anger and, to a lesser extent the ignorance, that is paralyzing: our creativity
(to find alternative solutions), our kindness, our generosity, our flexibility,
our empathy. And so we freeze in the attitude of opposition "against"
anything that does not suits us.
Another driving force of the opposition is victimization. If we consider
ourselves a victim of injustice, without any opportunity to take another
look at the situation, the attitude consists in looking for a culprit,
and it is against him that we will oppose because it is on him that we
put all the responsibility of the situation, of the problem we are experiencing.
But by removing all our responsibility from the situation, we evacuate
at the same time the possibility to initiate ourselves a solution. This
lack of sense of responsibility makes us subject to the situation, puts
us in the situation of the child who obeys, or rebel, without choosing
the way of communication, creativity, alternative. This freezes the roles
and prevents to find a solution satisfactory to all.
Considering ourselves as a victim means taking the role that justifies
the one of the tormenter; it means to enter or remain in the scenario
from where we would like to get out at all costs. For, taking a victim
role means to participate in a game. To stop this participation, it is
better to accept taking our responsibilities, rather than putting them
all on the back of the tormenter, which means, in most of the cases :
getting out of the game, or refusing to accept its rules and create our
"To perpetuate a problem, there is nothing better than the reproach.
Blaming others implies that we deny our own power, while consciousness
entitles to overcome the problem and to control the future.” Louise
L. Hay "Transformez votre vie" (french version) Ed Marabout
I think that before changing our patterns of behavior it is important
to be able to recognize patterns in which we are so far, and I think that's
the rub in general.
For, who is able to confess bluntly (without having made a work on oneself
before) that his tendency, in front of an injustice, for example, is:
violence, manipulation, groan?
However, apart from rare exceptions, we all are (sometimes, often or
always) in this register. And those who refute it the most are probably
those who have the most work to do.
Unless they are those for whom behaviors of violence, manipulation or
groaning, are considered as quite correct, absolutely not to be questioned.
As long as we don't understand in which framework we are used to be,
we cannot see that there are other frames of thought. It's a bit like,
when you learn to lie, you become truly able to consciously choose not
to lie, and to understand the moral utility of not doing it.
And it is not easy to understand the framework in which we are, or to
know that there are other possible frameworks. We can represent it through
the example of the fish that does not know what the water is until it
experiences what air is. Just as we do not know a priori the presence
of air if we do not know the wind, water or suffocation.
And as long as we are not conscious of what is really the opposition,
because we are immersed in it, we do not consider it a problem, and we
wonder why dwelling on it, often accepting the consequences, as inevitable,
and often unable to see its ineffectiveness.
To really be conscious of what is the opposition, what it evokes in us,
what is its origin and how to recognize it, it's worth it to go look at
what's making our environment (air or water), and first, to look at the
frame in which we were immersed in our childhood, namely the methods of
education, that yet are still used.
Punishments as rewards, mark these methods of education, still now. And
yet these are means for conditioning, but they prevent real learning,
they prevent the emergence of consciousness. And we are mostly the fruits
of this kind of education.
This means that everything, in our way of learning, was based on authority,
so on the balance of power, and consequently on the competitive part.
All this leads to a lot of drifts:
- Lack of confidence: we only can act with confidence when our peers
agree with us, we are unable to view ourselves as our own reference;
- We judge, and let ourselves be judged;
- We accept the authority of experts - when they tell us they are experts
- even being manipulated, without relying anymore on our own common sense,
on our intuition, on our own knowledge, on our experiences, on our feelings
- We compare, and continue comparing: we must be as well or better than
others. And when we can not do as well, we are in constant frustration
- And of course, when we do not agree: we are opposing, believing that
this is how we will get the change we desire: without being conscious
on one hand, in a lot of circumstances, we might accept the frustration
of getting nothing; and secondly that there are still different situations,
or intermediate, that are not frustrating for anyone. But this is not
part of our frames of thought.
We can take the example of students who are gathering to heckle the professor
in class. Rather than taking their responsibilities, and proposing, intervening,
speaking, creating (because it is not possible or because they do not
realize this possible), they rebel, and they act behind his back, they
even laugh at him, they despise him, they mess around with him.
And later as an adult, why shouldn't they continue?
It is as if the human being was unable to get out of childhood. It is
true that there are situations, rather numerous, where there are no other
solutions in front of a child than exercising authority. But in adulthood,
the responsible human, in most situations, should be mature enough to
get out of those kinds of relations. But we still are all, or almost all,
functioning in that register.
b) The language
Another approach to the framework is language. Indeed, our language is
often very poor to help us change. French is not the worst in this area,
although it is not the best either (original text has been written in
French). Already in French, how can we call a person with whom we are
disagreeing, but not in opposition. The language does not offer it. Either
it speaks of a interlocutor, which ignores the concept of disagreement,
or it will regard the interlocutor in a competitive situation by talking
about opponent or enemy. I had no other choice in this text than using
the word opponent to designate the person, group or entity with whom we
Another example, in French, and in many other languages as well, for
the notion of "non-violence," we have to take a term that denies
the violence, while the concept refers to many other notions. It is as
if the inverse concept of violence was not accessible to us in thought,
since it has no representation in the language.
In a feminist glance, it is as if we had named "man" the person
of the male gender, and that we gave the name "non-man" to the
person of feminine gender.
When we speak of "the fight for non-violence", we use two concepts
that contain the notion of violence, while our aim is completely away
from these notions.
There are, to me, something dramatic at this level. For, how to think
properly, if the words we use lead us to think violent.
So far our best tool to translate our thought is language. But language
is culture too, and, in return it immerses our thinking. With so much
violence in the language, we are almost forced to think violent.
I'm not sure that we should necessarily change the language. But learning
to be fully conscious of what we say (conscious when using a word that
refers to violence to talk about things that refer to benevolence) seems
to me to be a good learning to do.
And to get back to the concept of opposition. When we act in the direction
of: "not to" (do or get something) this is still an attenuated
form of opposition. And the language here is really a reflection of our
way of thinking. This is the difference as between "going towards"
and "escaping from." Our actions are totally different when
we have a objective like "going towards" than when we have no
objective and are trying to escape something. And “no objective”
is used on purpose, for, when we're acting in the negative: we can not
Everything that consists in leaving a situation without knowing in which
direction we should orient our action, compared to the attitude of going
towards a specific, selected situation: is resulting in a random choice
of the destination. If you do not want rain anymore, you'll try to avoid
the places where it rains, with no guarantee that it will not rain somewhere
else. If you choose to go into a sunny area, you will define a precise
destination, where the probability of the sun is maximum.
Most of us are unable to express our desires, our projects and our objectives
with affirmations. Often we know very precisely what we do not want, and
we have totally no idea of what we want. It is a bit as if we were walking
backwards, unable to look in the direction in which our steps lead us,
and ultimately, groping our way along, looking towards the problems that
we want to leave, being the back on our objectives. Admit that it's enough
to walk through and take the wrong way! And therein lies the error, because
as we have not realized what we really want, we will have more difficulty
in finding the best solutions to our problems.
The non-violent communication (among others) helps to be clear about
this: it offers us, in front of the problem, to define the need that is
not filled, in order to find what will fill that need; rather than to
escape what is not able to fill it.
The French language (and most Western languages – the text has
been written originally in French) do not even have words to express the
solidarity and constructive action. When we have a constructive purpose,
(which is not in opposition), we still use the words "fight for"
(lutter pour, combattre pour), because there are no others. The language
forces us to stay in our ways of thinking (warriors (guerrier), violent,
in opposition), prevents us from moving on to the next level.
Another important element of our environment, in which from 98 to 99%
of people are immersed several hours a day, is television. By absorbing
models, advices and televisual information, we become identified to the
world that TV offers us. And this television offers us a lot of violence,
much opposition, a lot of manipulation.
It is almost vain to attempt to break away from this influence, as long
as we stay customer of TV. And nothing stimulates us to that in view of
the fact that, without exception, all around us is influenced by the same
modes of thought. The predominant model conveyed by television is the
balance of power, either through fictions with violence, authority, power
at every levels, either via transmission of information or knowledge through
experts, specialists, placing us in a passive, submissive, non-thinking
role: they think for us.
Compassion, solidarity, tolerance, generosity, cooperation, collaboration,
creativity, negotiation: are nearly insignificant in the televisual context,
and are rarely stimulated in the viewer, except to get money from him
for humanitarian purposes, which don't concern him, in general, not directly.
Crimes, revenges, violence, manipulations, lies, power games, competitive
situations, authoritarian and paternalistic behaviors or submissive behaviors,
or aggressiveness: are, in conversely, ubiquitous in most of the broadcasts,
regardless of their orientation.
How can we then consider not to repeat all this in our own lives, if
we do not really have access to alternatives. These ways of thinking are
disclosed to us on a daily basis, insidiously, very slowly. And very few
viewers are questioning what they see. And often, those who do, feel sufficiently
critical to avoid being trapped. But can we be critical of what we are
not able to perceive?
If these people were really critical, they could not accept anymore the
current televisual content. And as, from 98 to 99% of the population has
television for reference, there is no room for a different speech. Nothing
or very little, can question the hegemony of its conditioning.
d) The pursuit of profit and power
Two other aspects of our society that lead to the behavior of opposition,
are the values that define the structure of the consumer society, namely:
profit and power. These two trends lead inherently to individualism and
competitiveness. And in this context, how can we protect ourselves and
be a winner without opposing to everything that impede to get there?
The opposition is really part of our culture, but it is not inevitable.
Nothing prevents us to evolve into something else. Only some exceptional
figures such as Gandhi and a few others, have chosen another path. For
the rest we are all still in the bath of the opposition.
A / Observing - integrating
Once we understand what is really the opposition and its consequences,
which is only the beginning of consciousness, it becomes possible to observe
It is then far more convincing than any explanation. What we understood
intellectually takes depth when it's observed in reality. This is where
real change in the framework (of thought) takes place. Give a try is easy,
even without believing in it, for details as for the important things:
try to observe it: and it becomes almost obvious fairly quickly. And once
we have access to the new framework, we are still able to reason in the
former one, we still understand it, but it is no longer satisfying, because
it no longer makes as much sense as the new. This is called a paradigm
shift. And learning to operate in this new framework, will be the result
of a long road to further learning.
Our consciousness forces our evolution with time. For, once we're informed,
we're on the way to become conscious (which are two different stages):
we begin to measure the problem, to know its consequences, we begin to
be able to observe more clearly around us first, on ourselves after. For,
it is much easier to observe the mistakes of others than to admit our
own. Yet this is part of learning, because without this clear look at
ourselves, we can only continue the quest for change on the outside, while
it is on ourselves that the work can be done primarily.
Yet it is worth to analyze what, in us, causes us to be in opposition.
Often this are our fears that guide our thoughts and actions. For, the
idea is not so much to point the blame elsewhere, than to see that we
are ourselves in something that ultimately we don't desire anymore. And
before stopping to desire it, we must first see it. And because it's mostly
something between ourselves and ourselves, there is no question of fault,
or of guilt, but it's a question of possible choices to make.
Another trend that can evolve, is the flexibility in change itself. Many
people are reluctant to leave the oppositional, aggressiveness behaviors
and even, violent ones, because they want to reach the goal in the short
term. And in the absence of achieving this, they then consider that it
is simply inaccessible. Somehow, they think that if we are unable not
to oppose in all circumstances, it's because the opposition remains the
best solution. Of course, when we begin to change, we rarely find the
adequate attitude, alternative to the opposition, at the first time. By
thinking at the objective, and finding progressively the means, we can
see how far we can go. There is no point of saying in advance that we
never will go far enough. We are just not able to see far enough to know
how far we can go. The fact is that change is a work that we do on ourselves,
and it has nothing to do with techniques to be applied.
B / Before acting
1) Lay the problem correctly
A very common mistake, in a situation that does not satisfy us, consists
in seeking solutions before having laid correctly the problem. And we
are very often in this mode. This is one in which we keep talking about
the problem, believing, among other things, that denouncing is a way to
And yet we can not get out of a problem if we do not know that it exists,
or if this problem is not properly defined. Therefore we have first to
know it and lay it correctly. We need to learn to stop looking at ourselves
as a victim, or to observe others as victims or perpetrators, and to be
able to see our own responsibility in the issue (responsibility not involving
the notion of guilt).
And in the same way, focusing on the problem without arriving to solutions,
is intrinsic to the fact that we have not yet fully assimilated what the
problem is, because when this happens, resolving it is quite natural then.
It remains then to choose the real solutions.
2) Solve a problem, doesn't mean to make it nonexistent
A significant change also lie in no longer considering that we should
'get rid of'' what we do not want with the purpose to get what we want.
It is not always necessary to destroy a house to build another, renovation
sometimes responds better to the needs. There is no need to ban non-organic
agriculture in order to be able to invest in organic agriculture. There
is no need to ban the car to make possible to walk, to cycle, or to take
Of course, destroying or prohibiting, may be possibilities to consider,
but it is rarely easily accepted by those who want to maintain what already
is. And it applies even more in the areas of relationships, not based
on material and concrete facts. Indeed there is no need to evict someone
or to silence him, to force or to persuade; when we want to satisfy our
own desires or needs. There are often other ways that meet the needs of
everyone. If we fix clearly the needs, the objectives to reach, we will
have greater access to innovative and satisfactory ideas for everyone.
3) Find the solution somewhere else than in the problem
If being opposed is actually part of the problematic way of reasoning,
then it would be elsewhere that we should try to find the answer. Personally,
there are also a lot of situations where I do not see how to do otherwise
than getting opposed, and yet, I think this is our handicap: as we are
not able to see ta way to do otherwise, we remain in our problems. We
perpetuate them, we reproduce them, we multiply them.
4) The urgency : when there is no alternative to the opposition
However, there are situations where non-violence, negotiation, mediation,
patience, acceptance, compromise, compassion, understanding, selflessness,
etc.., have no place because there is urgency. There is no room then for
the debate on the opposition. In particular, in a violent situation needing
action, either by force (physical force or psychological edge) or to divert
attention or the perpetrators of such violence. This is the case when
we are a spectator of a scene of violence between two persons, and particularly
perpetrated on children, and that we consider that we can have influence
over the perpetrator. And it is certainly not easy to act with conscience
(and not under the influence of an impulse), because it is almost obvious
that the violence will return against us.
In this respect Gandhi's quote below, is very explicit:
"I do believe that, where there is only a choice between cowardice
and violence, I would advise violence. But I believe that non-violence
is infinitely superior to violence."
It's a whole way of learning to get there. For, in the emergency, it
is not always easy to make sense of things. A whole inner debate starts,
and we are never sure to make the right choice. When reacting and being
in opposition turns out to be the wrong choice, it can have worse consequences
than to let go. For, the question that often arises is: "Who am I
to intervene with people I do not know, or not enough? ". It's a
bit the same debate as in the violence between two countries or inter-ethnic,
inter-religious, when it comes to the right of intervention. Individually,
I think the main thing is to act in good conscience, and being connected
to our benevolence rather than our impulses, our anger or our indignation.
5) Refusing the apparent urgency
A common pitfall consists in not seeing the difference between the actual
emergency of the situation, as described above, and the impression of
urgency created by our impulses through the emotions of fear, anger or
whatever. If there is no danger of death, destruction, or impending shock,
if there is not an extremely short deadline to meet (for a decision or
action), nothing prevents us from taking the time, and seek calm.
6) from 90 to 99% of the situations would not require the opposition
In front of any problematic situation, the question of opposition always
arises. More we learn and more the proportion of resolution without opposition
may increase. And I think from 90 to 99% of the situations we face, can
be resolved without an attitude of opposition. I do not exclude that 100%
1) Not seeking to have the last word
One of the first lessons consists in never seeking to have the last word
in a discussion, abandoning the attitude of wanting to be right. And this
doesn't mean to let say, than to let go in front of our own impulses to
argue. A good school in this game consists to learn to stay silent in
front of provocation. This is the clearest example showing how far opposition
may be harmful. If someone is provoking, it's better to ignore it, let
go and leave. For, responding we stimulate at 500% and we get back 5 times
2) Acting when we're in the right frame of mind
When we feel threatened, or when we are seething with anger at a situation
deemed unfair, and where the first reaction is to react violently expressing
anger; if there is no emergency, it is possible to withdraw and look for
other solutions, to calm our anger (sometimes it takes quite some time,
especially at the beginning of learning). This allows to interpret the
attitude of the opponent in other ways (different than what first comes
to mind, which is obvious if we are not careful), trying to understand
his own possible reasons to do so. It is so possible to take the time
not to react immediately and see if we can respond as best, in order to
calm the tension, trying to talk, if we can express our mutual positions,
to try to understand, to reassure the person who is aggressive with us,
if necessary (as we become ourselves aggressive when we feel threatened),
to make understand the reasons for our anger, expressing at the same time
that the anger is not oriented on their person but on the situation. And
this requires to be sincere. This often requires time to get there.
It can be useful as well to know that if we wait to no longer be under
the influence of emotion, our response will be different. Our state of
mind, our mood can change by focusing on other concerns, leaving time
go, and even more importantly, after a night's sleep. If we're in the
mood to moan, to complain, whine, oppose, criticize, be outraged, despise,
and so on; we won't be good for anything. The difficulty, in general,
on the one hand, is to realize that this is our state of mind. For, in
general, we are better able to see when we are calm and in good mood than
the reverse, and most importantly, we will be more inclined to recognize
it, which is much more difficult in the case of a bad mood. And yet when
we are in the negative side of mood, not only we are unable to see creative
solutions to our concerns, but we are especially inclined to oppose, to
be aggressive and kick over the traces. And sometimes just a few hours
sleep are needed to make arise a clear solution in the morning, appearing
then as obvious. It has nothing to do with the opposition, it has more
to do with creativity, alternative, the unexpected, stuff that we would
not have thought as long as we were in the previous state of mind. Sometimes
even, the problem doesn't seem no more to be a problem and the solution
consists in abandoning the subject.
When we want to impose our solution to another, as we think his solution
totally unacceptable, if not urgent, we can refrain from responding at
first, to see how to we can react later differently. And if we trap ourselves
to respond aggressively in the immediate impulse, we will be in state
to see the damages made, either on the person or on ourselves (the boomerang
effect that never fails to happen).
Another possible change in attitude consists in reducing our position,
to nuance, to put things in perspective, being able to look at what confronts
us with other glasses, as if we were someone else. This allows us to be
less intangible, less intransigent. That the needs, which are responsible
for our position, are intangible, doesn't mean necessarily that our position
has to be intangible, because there are thousands of ways to meet our
4) Inquire on the position of the opponent
Then, what, in the attitude of the other, does seem so unfair or so threatening?
And what could we do to stop looking at him like threatening?
This requires to understand his point of view, either by guessing, or
by searching, or by asking him. But it also need to be able to reach the
point of view lying behind what is expressed. For, what is expressed in
the discussion, in the negotiation, is often colored by the defensive
attitude (authoritarian, aggressive, subject, ...), not to mention the
unconscious aspects of it. It's a learning that takes a long long time.
It demands first to be clear with ourselves, with our own feelings, emotions,
thoughts, needs, so to really be able to distance ourselves from that,
and to be able to distance ourselves from the emotions triggered in the
confrontation with the other, as to really be able to listen to him. Again,
the Non-Violent Communication, and other learning methods of relational
communication, can help us to get there.
5) Change the way how we express ourselves (less threatening)
There are ways to express opinions without being perceived as threatening
to the person who thinks differently. Being on the defensive in front
of someone who is afraid, magnify the problem. Kindness can do it decrease.
But it is an art that has to be learned to be mastered. Admitting the
validity of the views of the other, expressing sometimes our own doubts,
our fears, can finally put us less in danger than declaring our truths
so unquestionably. And that happens as well when we speak in first person,
without expressing our arguments as "the truth", but as our
conviction. Thereby showing the acceptance of our diverging opinions on
the other. The ideal is to give more energy to listening to and understanding
than expressing ourselves, without being subject or polite either. Doing
it on a genuine and caring way. Very few people are able to do so.
6) Difference between being in opposition and refusing to cooperate
Often the confusion persists between being in opposition and refusing
to cooperate. I will refer to an example well known in France. In 2004,
a comment rather awkward from Patrick Le Lay, CEO of TF1, was published
in a book: "Les dirigeants face au changement, Baromètre 2004"
(Editions du Huitième jour). Here is the most famous phrase:
"... To make an advertisement visible, it is necessary that the
brain of the viewer would be available. Our broadcasts are designed to
make it available: it is to say, to entertain, to relax to prepare it
between two messages. What we sell to Coca-Cola is available human brain
time (...). "
In response to this unfortunate phrase that shocked many viewers, an
opposition action has been carried out. A word is passed between viewers
via the Internet (forums, sites, chain emails) to boycott the channel
on September 22 of that year.
I don't know the number of people who followed this movement. But the
message was clear: "we do not accept to be treated this way”.
That was the message consciously expressed; but in reality, the action
itself, meant something quite different for the addressees. It meant that
even when viewers know they are regarded in this way, and manipulated
by TF1, somehow, they adapt well to it, as they agree to submit to this
treatment 364 days of 365 . What a great encouragement to continue this
so decadent policy.
Other viewers, probably fewer, had a different reaction. They did not
agree and have not even found it useful to let it know. They decided not
to look anymore at TF1. And since they are not fools, and know that the
other channels, as long as they operate at the audience ratings and advertising,
following the same line of reasoning as that of TF1; they simply turned
off the TV set. They stopped cooperating with this farce, without opposition.
If the firsts seem still being interested to be manipulated, the seconds
are conscious they don't have the power to convince them, but they take
their responsibility as individuals.
The real opposition in this case consists more in demonstrating in front
of the windows of TF1, in writing petitions, in writing articles that
denigrate them, in boycotting their emissions, in creating or participating
in associations who try to put a spoke in the wheels of TF1, etc.
On the other hand, turning off the television, consists in turning our
back to something that does not suit us, it consists in putting our limits,
but it has nothing to do with attempting to eliminate the channel or to
stop their action.
In many cases, when we have neither the power nor the ambition to negotiate
with those with whom we disagree, it is possible simply not to cooperate
with them, without trying to oppose. Just, simply turn our eyes towards
something else. And sometimes it may seem cowardly, but it is only an
For, when we have no power to change things in one area, we have the
power to weaken the impact of this area in our lives, and perhaps in the
lives of others, putting all the weight of our energy, our work on the
side of the alternative.
The attitudes of opposition and alternative attitudes sometimes lead
sometimes to very similar behaviors, perhaps even identical. For, if I
boycott all multinationals for example, with the aim of refusing to help
their existence, I am in opposition. And if I buy local, handmade, ethical,
organic or natural, I am not in opposition, but in the alternative. Yet
in both cases, the result will be that I will not buy from multinationals.
However in the second approach, the objective is to support local workers
and artisans, not to get rid of the multinationals. The energy, thoughts
are focused entirely differently.
7) The concession or the alternative
Too often we see our problems and potential solutions in a Manichean
way. The solution will be black or white; problematic, or satisfactory.
It's either me who wins; or it's me who loses when the other wins. At
most, we can imagine a middle ground where everyone make concessions,
and where resentment persists, for, it's either the other who prevents
me from having a solution as I dreamed, or I feel guilty because I prevent
the other to obtain its fully satisfactory solution, or even both at once.
If I fight with my neighbor about the size of the hedge, he wants it to
2 meters high, I want it one meter high. Either I win or he wins, or maybe
we choose to have a hedge of a height of 1.50 meter. No one will win,
no one will lose, but no one won't be totally satisfied. And yet, if he
wants a 2 meters high hedge it is to prevent any possibility of prying
eyes to his garden, and if I want a 1 meter high hedge, it is in the order
to have more light and more sun to my kitchen garden. But if we redevelop
the two sites, the place of my kitchen garden, the place of the hedge,
the private space of each, we could find a solution that satisfies everyone,
without having to discuss the height of the hedge, and being twice satisfied,
first with the chosen solution, and secondly with the good neighborly
relations that we would win.
8) The value of the escape, the avoidance, the silence, without
There are sometimes opportunities where staying silent is better than
answering. And it is not always easy to know what is most appropriate.
For, staying silent can also mean: letting do or cowardice. The avoidance
or escape are not better than the opposition, but can sometimes be temporarily
useful. The whole thing is getting to know the consequences of our actions.
If choosing to ignore can have worse consequences than being in opposition,
it is better to oppose, but there may also be better ways than opposition.
If on the contrary, letting do has no bad consequences, and being in opposition
stimulates what we're opposing to, it is better to let do. I think it's
all very subtle for the application. And we don't always know what's the
right choice. A tip though: when letting do is a difficult thing to do,
it's in general the best thing to do: it's then useful to listen to our
impulses, and temporarily to suppress or to control them. On the other
hand, when letting is the easiest solution, it's because it's usually
because of our indifference, of our convenience, of our cowardice, and
either we are not fully aware, and no question will arise, or this apparent
convenience can lead us to question if there might be something better
to do. And "better" is not necessarily opposition, there is
sometimes better to do than being in opposition.
In many conversations, discussions or negotiations, even without provocation,
it's sometimes better to be silent than to answer.
When someone has immutable certainties that are totally contrary to our
own, talking to him about those certainties and expressing our own opinions,
will in most cases consolidate its own certainties, and there will be
no real exchange, just a dialogue of the deaf with a risk that this could
Even in politics it's working that way. The more we oppose a policy,
the more this gives strength to it. Only the balance of power may make
it fall, but then it should be maintained over time, for, as soon as the
balance of power is reversed, the policy comes back in force.
9) Changing individually, before investing in some collective action
An often criticized attitude, is the choice of the priority of individual
action over collective action. But again, this consists in a change of
frame of reference. Collective actions, solidarity actions, activists
actions, have little weight as long as they are carried by people using
the mode of the opposition. Yet it is the general trend for those who
wake up as citizen (when the civic consciousness awakens for a person),
to act primarily at a social or political level, before acting on an individual
level, it is observable everywhere. And yet, reversing this priority is
often considered as individualism, selfishness. But the intention is far
more to avoid to get involved in harmful actions as far as we are not
able to act constructively. The real individualism is among the overconsumers
(anesthetized by advertisement and mass media), not among those who are
socially involved. And doing our part when refusing certain collective
activities of opposition, has nothing to do with laziness or cowardice,
but well with a certain determination, and courage in not following the
masses, often by moving our attitude from the one used by our contemporaries.
In fact, new possible attitudes are multiple and unlimited in diversity.
There are never or rarely easy answers: for such a situation, such an
attitude. Depending on each particular situation, on our experience and
on our internal reactions, the most appropriate attitude to adopt may
appear to us or not. And there is quite a way to go before getting the
Non-violence as alternative: to opposition, to violence, and
A / Non-violence
1) Non-violence doesn't lead to be in opposition to individuals
Once the frame of reference has been changed regarding the opposition,
there is not much more to be added to lead to non-violence. Non-violence
is characterized above all by the unfailing benevolence of those who use
Non-violence in its essence, doesn't lead to be in opposition to persons.
It leads just not to cooperate with what is the problem. The opposition
is somehow at the source of violence. Therefore it seems important to
approach first of abandoning the attitude of opposition before talking
about the concept of non-violence.
Non-violence is from the same nature as disagreement. It can be expressed
in a variety of ways: refusal, non-cooperation, pursuit of communication
/ négotiation, silence, absence; but it doesn't use the destruction,
pain, aggression, blackmail, sabotage, contempt. It is characterized by
the respect of others and above all, as already said, by the benevolence
2) Non-violence and pacifism
Getting to non-violence occurs rarely through non-opposition. It usually
arises first in a position of "opposition to violence." And
it starts most often by the condemnation of institutionalized violence
(war), that is to say : pacifism.
Pacifism is the first door to cross to access the non-violence. It's
a desire for peace, a struggle for peace, but it does not define the nature
of the means to get there. Pacifism does not exclude the balance of power
(some practices of non-violence neither for that matter, since some activists
are claiming to be practicing non-violent sabotage, for example.) However,
judging negatively a problem, does not mean: seeing the solution. For
indeed, some pacifists are willing to make war in order to make peace.
They are those who arm themselves to prevent war. In this registry, some
are condemning some types of violence, for example, the one who is killing,
the one that tortures. But also they continue to agree with violence elsewhere,
for example by accepting aggression or manipulation. Still others will
condemn physical violence but not verbal and psychological violence. Still
others will condemn violence on humans or on animals, but not the physical
It is quite easy to judge and condemn the violence outside of ourselves,
while maintaining and ignoring that which we carry within us ( in French,
see the article about it on our
own violence. And condemnation of violence is still quite far from
the choice of non-violence. It's a little like the difference for a junkie
between recognizing his addiction, and making the choice not to touch
drugs anymore, and put it into practice. Condemning violence is an intellectual
judgment, it does not imply the ability to manage emotions, nor the one
of speaking and acting always in complete benevolence. The purpose of
pacifism is the same as that of non-violence. The means may differ. Non-violence
seeks coherence in the aim as much as in the means, for, as Gandhi said,
"For, the end is in the means, as the tree is in the seed, and as
surely as the wheel of the cart follows the step of the steer."
The second stage is then to become conscious of what we carry within
us, the same violence as the one we condemn, for, we all have within us
the ability to be violent. Then comes the choice to learn to recognize
it, to know it, and then to manage it until we become able not to use
it. It is more a psychological and spiritual path of evolution than an
intellectual understanding or an ideological choice.
Non-violence is not pacifism. This is a way, and it begins with a struggle
for peace, but the more we go this way, the more we understand that it's
an attitude of heart more than a goal to pursue.
The desire to become non-violent is not a final choice, nor even a clear
choice to define. It is built and defined little by little and has to
be redone for each new situation. And the more we understand the values
underlying the non-violence, the more we want to apply it as widely as
For my part, I include in the concept of violence every aggression, that
is to say, also verbal violence and insidious violence as manipulation
etc. And also all that is about the balance of power, when we try to impose
on the other without giving him any choice. So all forms of violence:
as much physical as psychological.
Similarly, I believe that it is better not to ban our own violence as
long as we are not able to choose other means than violence or cowardice.
However, it is our responsibility to try to avoid being in situations
that lead to violence, or to create them ourselves.
Nobody can really claim to be totally non-violent. Generally we choose
non-violence as things come, missing sometimes (often) the boat.
As already explained above by the image of the scale, engaging in non-violence
means putting the weight of our energy, our intentions, our evolution
toward benevolence, tolerance, respect, generosity. And the more we weigh
in that direction, the more lighter becomes the side of violence, of opposition,
and of any negative feelings and attitudes in general.
And as for the opposition, violence is deeply implanted in our culture,
through language as already described above, and through our education.
Having been educated in violence, both physical and psychological, will
make violence always justifiable to our eyes.
I truly believe that our difficulty in approaching the concept of non-violence,
and further, the one of non-opposition, is not at all intellectual, but
due to the fact that it has been integrated inside ourselves from our
In this respect the two following extracts, respectively from the (in
French) « Manifeste contre la violence ''éducative'' »
(Manifesto against educational violence )
and from an article on educational violence, written (in French) by Olivier
, reveal on a evocative way the inconsistency of our way of doing, even
if they are commonly accepted by everybody.
"Why is it permissible to hit children when it is illegal to hit
an adult male, female, elderly, and, in prison, the worst criminals? Would
our laws allow to attack only the weakest? Our children have the right
to be raised without violence, which doesn't mean without firmness."
"........ a slap or a spanking teaches in one action and in one
shot (as in to say!) a great lesson of immorality and of anti-democracy.
It teaches them in fact that :
- When you disagree with someone, you have the right to hit, even though
you love him.
- When you're big and strong, you have the right to hit the small and
- When someone hits you or threatens you, you must submit to him.
- Violence is bad but it is also good, since, it's "for his own
good" that we hit the child. "
B / Process of non-violence
The process of non-violence consists in saying, "I do not agree
with you, I can therefore not cooperate with your actions, and I will
do everything to get what I want, but I never will make you any harm to
get it: I will do nothing in the kind of contempt, destruction, slander,
etc. and I accept all the consequences that you decide to inflict me,
including that of not getting anything, losing freedom, or even losing
life. I will just maintain my position until we can talk and find a solution
that suits both of us. "
And this implies to think: "I want all the good of the World for
you, but I respect the limits of my cause, and its importance is such
that, in all conscience, I can not submit myself to your request / requirement,
and I accept to suffer the consequences that you decide to inflict me
if you don't understand the value of the change that I'm asking."
"I am acting for my cause but it is not against you."
To choose non-violence, we must know our own violence, having accepted
it and being able to manage it as to be able to choose not to use it.
A person acting according to non-violence knows that having a certain
position, not opposing, and not cooperating, he/she will be perceived
as an aggressor. And the art of non-violence is precisely never to oppose,
but to maintain a strong position, whatever the consequences, sometimes
up to death in the most extreme situations.
It is possible, even probable, in the most sensitive cases, that the
other person doesn't really understand the meaning of what is proposed
to him/her, and understands it as opposition, and aggression, and respond
to that with aggression. But if we remain non-violent to the end, regardless
of aggression addressed to us, we will never respond to that. And this
literally disarms the interlocutor. He may even increase his aggressions
to push us to attack back. But as long as we experience his aggression
by maintaining our position, he can not do anything. And that's where
all the magic of non-violence takes place. There is a moment where someone
in the group of the interlocutor will finally, him too, no longer wish
to cooperate with his peers because he sees the injustices, and the nonsense
of it all. And this is the beginning of a change to the negotiation and
the search for new solutions that have never been tried before. And it
may take a long time, years, but also generations, even millennia.
What essentially characterizes non-violence is the look that we wear
on the person in front of us : it is always kind, regardless of the odious
or unfair acts that he may commit or have committed. Being non-violent
involves intrinsically having consideration in absolute for the person
with whom one is facing. It involves trying to understand him - which
in any case, can justify or excuse any unfair acts - and it involves trying
to get from him a change towards more justice, towards respect for our
person. This being also valid for groups of persons.
The following quote from Martin Luther King, is a perfect example of
"We shall match your capacity to inflict suffering by our capacity
to endure suffering. We shall meet your physical force with soul force.
Do to us what you will, and we shall continue to love you. We cannot in
all good conscience obey your unjust laws because noncooperation with
evil is as much a moral obligation as is cooperation with good. Throw
us in jail and we shall still love you. Bomb our homes and threaten our
children, and we shall still love you. Send your hooded perpetrators of
violence into our community at the midnight hour and beat us and leave
us half dead, and we shall still love you. But be ye assured that we will
wear you down by our capacity to suffer. One day we shall win freedom
but not only for ourselves. We shall so appeal to your heart and conscience
that we shall win you in the process and our victory will be a double
Gandhi, meanwhile, illustrates the attitude of those to whom the non-violent
actions are directed, through the following quote:
"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight
you, then you win. "
This can be explained as follows.
The ideas and opinions that destabilize us, that frighten us, we can
generally not accept them immediately. We will first ignore them: we do
not even understand what we are talking about, or we prefer to pretend
that they don't exist. Then we despise them, we laugh at them : it seems
so twisted to us that it's not worth the trouble to give interest to it,
it's better to laugh at it. Or we laugh at it : hoping that mockery helps
evacuate the subject without having to go through confrontation. Once
the idea is gaining ground and becoming more important, it seems to bear
a kind of strength: we feel threatened concerning our usual values: it
is then necessary to combat it, to prevent it from passing. And at some
point, the understanding arrives, the threat disappears, and the idea
Non-violence is really aimed to people who have not yet understood or
recognized the existence of an injustice, and therefore it generally implies
the idea of possible abuse, suffering, even dying.
In the case of Gandhi or Martin Luther King for example, it was addressed
towards the English settlers who had not yet understood that colonialism
is unfair, or towards whites who had not yet realized that black people
are human beings like any other. And dealing with people who are in such
a misunderstanding, we must expect extremely violent attitudes in return,
up to crime (Gandhi and Martin Luther King have both been murdered for
their ideas, and by the fact that 'they acted non-violently).
Yet when people who acted in non-violence, are killed, the general condemnation
is such that those responsible for these crimes are losing much more credit
that they did win.
Some consider non-violent attitude as a weakness, an inability to respond
with aggression. Yet it's just the opposite, by choosing it we can offer
ourselves as a scapegoat, it is intrinsic to the approach. This requires
a lot of courage to intentionally propose ourselves as a target to someone
who wants to attack.
This text has been written originally in French and has been translated
by the author (who is French speaking). The translation quality is therefore
not guaranteed : see more details here.
Your help could be appreciated.
1. Lay the problem correctly
2. Solve a problem, doesn't mean to make it nonexistent
3. Find the solution somewhere else than in the problem
4. The urgency : when there is no alternative to the opposition
5. Refusing the apparent urgency
6. from 90 to 99% of the situations would not require the opposition